Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 24: Episode 7
98g: Jennifer Love Hewitt / Beastie Boys
TV Funhouse
[fade up to “Ambiguously Gay Duo” opening sequence]
[opening sequence: Ace and Gary flying in the sky, explosion, title card, Ace and Gary face each other and join hands, Gary punches an alien, Ace and Gary drive their Duocar through a canyon, shot of Ace and Gary with Gary pointing ahead, Ace and Gary fly with Ace shooting a beam from his eyes and Gary mounting Ace, character identification card, shots from the battle with the Ice Monster (from 11/15/97 TV Funhouse), cloud of smoke, dissolve to Ace and Gary giving the thumbs up]
Jingle: [starts at title card]
“The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!
They are taking on evil, come what may!
They are fighting all crime to save the day!
They’re extremely close in an ambiguous way!
They’re ambiguously gay!
They’re ambiguously gay!
The Ambiguously Gay Duo!”
[zoom out to see Ace and Gary grabbing each other’s belts under the title]
Voiceover: The Ambiguously Gay [cut to a shot of letters spilling out of two mailbags with “TONIGHT’S EPISODE:” at the top, fade in “ACE AND GARY’S FAN CLUB” underneath “TONIGHT’S EPISODE:”] Duo!
Tonight: a visit to Ace and Gary’s fan club!
[cut to Ace and Gary sitting in their gym, reading letters from their fans]
Ace: Jared Taylor from Reading, Pennsylvania writes, “Dear Ace and Gary, it looked like you use a different spin move in episode 3 than in episode 6. [offers the specs to the kids]
Gary: Want to try, kids?
[the kids sound reluctant]
Kid #1: Maybe later.
Kid #3: Yeah.
[cut to Ace and Gary in their Duocar, still in the neighborhood]
Ace: Remember, be alert!
Or Never
Dec 14, 1996
Santa Claus has been kidnapped by aliens, and the Duo must save him.