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Do you know how i know youre gay

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Does that come in a V-neck?

  • Andy Stitzer: You know what? I'm a gay guy now."
  • David: [smirks] You're gay for saying that.
  • Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
  • David: You know how I know you're gay?
  • Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
  • David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
  • Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay?

    We fucked dwarves in the ass!

  • Smart Tech Customer: Nigga, this dwarf here don't got to be tall to pull a trigger off in somebody face!
  • Andy Stitzer: [walks up quickly] Good afternoon! It’s like your brain sighs and says, This feels like home.

    5.

    do you know how i know youre gay

    Thank you so much for bringing it to me.

  • Jill: So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"?
  • Andy Stitzer: [Stunned] Mmm-hmm... Since I was sixteen, nigga, I'm saying "frosty." You know what I'm saying? fuck it!
  • Jill: [to Jay] You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert.
  • Jay: I don't hang out with him!

    Your mind says “just friends,” while your body and emotions quietly say something more.

    7. You don’t have to “come out.”

    You just have to come home to yourself.

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About the Author:

.

First of all, you throwin' too many big words at me, and because I don't understand them, I'm gonna take 'em as disrespect.

Nigga here now!

  • Smart Tech Customer: This shit just got real!
  • Jay: What are you gonna do, bitch?
  • Smart Tech Customer: I'll tell you what. It’s about getting honest with yourself, gently, one thought at a time. I work with him and that's it! Help me out.
  • Jay: Whoa, whoa, whoa... That's not me.
  • Andy Stitzer: You should keep your ho on a leash.
  • Jay: Oh, bro, I can't let you talk...
  • Andy Stitzer: Hey!
  • Jay: I can't let you be talking to my woman that way, dawg.
  • Andy Stitzer: Hey, hey!

    it's a woman fucking a horse.

  • Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
  • Cal: It was really giving it to her. She was a ho... You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?
  • Jay: You ever heard of rolling twenties, nigga? Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain.
  • Paula: David, what do you suggest we play?
  • David: I don't care.

    Get back on the floor.

  • [Paula walks away]
  • David: [cough-mutters] Ah-fuck you!
  • Mooj: Life is about people.