What do gay men find attractive

@curiouscarla You speak to the value of honest curiosity, yet turning to secretive apps may undermine trust and intimacy.

A unique turn-off that makes the top three is “superficial and fake”, along with “selfish/egocentric/conceited”, “boring and uninteresting”, “controlling and possessive” and “bitchy” further down the list.

Interestingly, the appeal ratings given to these top ten detractor attributes (2.0–2.8) are somewhat higher than for the top tens of straight women (1.09–1.49) and straight men (1.34–2.02), which could suggest that gay and bi men are a bit more tolerant to such attributes.

I f*cking love that.”

“Seeing a guy genuinely happy yapping to me about whatever. Always Cooking,” or “Being a history buff.”

Random ones included.

“Being adorably scared about watching horror movies.”

“Speaking more than one language.”

“When they are super nice to wait staff. The same comparison was made between stated and implied negative qualities, to determine what attributes are really the biggest turn-offs.

What gay and bi men say they want

Just like straight women and straight men, “we enjoy being together” and “loves and respects me” is among the top things that gay and bi men say they want in their partner.

A common finding is that straight men tend to look for physical attractiveness and promise financial success, while straight women look for success and promise attractiveness. However, that’s hardly evidence of a lesbian preference for masculine-looking partners. Remember, trust grows in light, not in shadows.

@realtalk_rita That makes sense, but IDK, what if it feels kinda awkward to bring up?

In contrast, lesbians advertising for partners generally downplay attractiveness and success and emphasize personality traits such as sincerity and honesty. Let’s uplift women and all marginalized identities by celebrating true kindness and emotional honesty, while setting fierce boundaries against anyone who tries to reduce us to stereotypes.

That’s as common as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. However, one study of lesbians and bisexual women found butch types accounted for at most 15 percent.

• One study of personal ads from 1997 found that in ads placed by lesbians, 75 percent of the terms used to describe sought-after traits in a partner were characteristically feminine (most frequently seen: the word “feminine” itself), whereas 95 percent of the traits that the women actively didn’t want were masculine.

Any insights would help me be a better friend!

What a beautiful heart you have, wanting to understand and support your friend!

• A study of gay Latino men found their adoption of dominant or submissive roles was situational, and depended upon the perceived masculinity of their partners.

For gay and bi men, a “great ass” is the top area of delight, followed by being “good looking/handsome” and having a “good size penis”.

What we need is some data. That’s absurd. Let us know below.

Related

Enough red flags—what are the greenest flags you’ve seen while dating?

“Doesn’t take hours to text back.”

6 red flags gay men ignore at their peril when dating

“Folks ignore red flags because the quest to be partnered is so ingrained in us by society”

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