Is gay sex good

For some people, gay male culture’s historic association with casual sex, nonmonogamy, and cruising feels like a risk factor for unsafe sex.

If you’re feeling distressed about substance use around sex or elsewhere in your life and feel out of control around the issue, it might be a good time to reach out to a support group or twelve-step program in your area for support.

Emotional, psychological and physical safety

Plenty of sexual encounters are physically safe in terms of the transmission of communicable diseases, but still leave their participants in distress afterward because they didn’t center consent and the emotional wellness of everyone involved.

You’re allowed to feel pleasure without fear. I understand that in some gay male spaces it can feel like admitting to lackluster sex is a crime.

Good sex is about connecting with your life force, feeling your aliveness, and being closer to people. Forget about it. Consent should be:

• Informed: All parties should be clear on what is happening and fully comfortable with it.
• Revocable: Even during the heat of the moment, anyone can withdraw consent at any stage.
• Ongoing: Especially in a gay sex hookup, checking in—from start to finish—maintains trust and ensures boundaries are still respected.

1. Safety and Protection

Navigating gay sex safely means taking responsibility for both your own health and that of your partner:

• Use protection: Condoms are key for preventing HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

  If you’re a bottom who’s being penetrated during anal sex, you can also use an internal condom, which can be inserted before any sexual activity even begins.

  Prescription medication support

  The advent of new prophylactic medications like PrEP can provide an extra layer of safety against contracting HIV during sex. Pay more attention to what feels good to you.

  But caretaking kills sexual energy.*

  The truth is that your own arousal, and your connection to it, is what creates sexual energy with your partner.

  By the way, this blog post is for “nice” gay men who need to learn to be a little less nice. If you are not a nice man—for example if your partner’s pleasure means nothing to you—then please don’t read this post.

  So How Do You Learn to be Selfish?

  All change begins when you start experimenting with a new focus.

  It’s an easy gesture that leaves a positive impression.

1. Pleasure Is Part of the Equation

Gay sex isn’t just about safety—it’s about connection and pleasure too:

• Explore and talk: Everyone’s body is different.
  

  Perhaps it is embarrassment that your sexual fantasies are not politically correct? In reality, in many contexts, someone who has casual sex with several new people each week but who tests regularly and communicates their status is a safer partner than someone who has only a few partners a year but never tests because they don’t think of themself as the kind of person who gets STIs.

  Being mindful about safe(r) sex

  Safer sex doesn’t need to be a major damper on your sex or dating life, no matter what that looks like.

  This can lead you to rewrite your narrative around sex —from one of survival to one of connection.

  It’s okay if you’re still figuring out what kind of sex you want. Some of us had to learn to be very “pleasing” to navigate high school or our families. Wanting emotional safety doesn’t make you boring. Maybe your first experiences were in secret, rushed, or shaped by a fear of being caught or judged.